Monday, March 19, 2012

Lonely...

Last week (or was is 2 weeks ago?) our Bible study teacher on Sunday morning was talking about loneliness. Asking questions like, what is loneliness? what's the difference between being lonely and alone? and can Christians truly be lonely? etc. Well, I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you what I know from experience, and that is that I've spent the greater part of my teen-adult life (16-today) feeling lonely. It comes and it goes. Today, it's here, and it's pretty bad.

Merriam-Webster's definition:
"lonely: 1.a. being without company (lone); 1.b. cut off from others (solitary); 2. not frequented by human beings (desolate); 3. sad from being alone (lonesome); 4. producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation."
Well, my definition isn't quite the same as Mr. Webster's, it's more than that. And it's not from being alone - I am surrounded by people all the time. To me, loneliness is an almost tangible feeling in the center of my being. Like a weight on my chest; it carries with it feelings of depression, exhaustion, betrayal, and a general dullness. Betrayal, at this point in my life, because I have friends, or I used to - why don't they keep in touch with me? Don't they miss me? Why don't they make an effort? Depression because I realize, over and over, that those people I still consider my friends either no longer consider me theirs, or have new friends who have taken my place in the ranks, demoting me to "a friend from the past"; and also realizing that I don't know how, or where to begin, to make new friends. Exhaustion because... well, holding on to the past is exhausting. But how does one move on? I am in the present, but how do I get my relationships to reflect that? Please, by all means, let me know when you've figure it out...